I've never been good at keeping New Year's Resolutions. Make more money, get more organized, lose weight. By the second week of January I've lost all my momentum, not to mention my motivation and given up. I'm that girl you see at the gym on January 1st, new running shoes, cute workout clothes, head phones in, giving it all I've got and then come January 5th or so I'm never seen again. Where am I? At home. Binge watching Netflix and drinking wine.
This year will be different I tell myself. This year I'm going to focus on a single word, instead of a resolution. Friendship.
It's an important word. Humans are meant to live in community with one another. We crave meaninful relationships with others. But oh, the road of motherhood can be a lonely one.
I've quickly found that new mommyhood can be isolating. Finding the energy to get out of the house and meet up is no easy task after working all day and then chasing after a VERY active toddler. And mommy groups don't help when most meet during the work day, thus excluding working moms.
This is not to say I don't have any friends. That would be a huge disservice to the wonderful friends I do have. But they are few, and there are great distances between many of us. Name any state - Colorado, Pennsylvania, California, Michigan - we've got amazing friends there! But they're so darn far away, and the fact of the matter is - we live here, not there. I've come to miss the easy, built in friendships of high school and college and I'm starting to realize that adult friendships don't just fall into your lap. You have to purpose to build and foster them. And thus, my word of the year for 2016 is friendship.
I hope to nurture the friendships I already have. To be more purposeful in watering them and encouraging them to grow. To go out of my way to meet up with far away friends. I have the distinct advantage of living in a hot spot for family vacations. And yet, every time someone I know crosses our state line, I debate. Do I really want to drive that far to meet up? Is an overnight in a hotel/park tickets/the gas to get there really worth it? And I don't know why I debate, because YES, it is always worth it. To catch up after many months or years apart, to let our kids meet, and watch them create new friendships, it's always worth it.
But I also hope to be more purposeful in forming new friendships. To seek out other mommy friends, particularly some with toddlers. I owe this to myself, and to my son. I grew up with gaggles of friends, and I realize now that this is not because of anything I did, but because of friendships my parents had fostered over the years. Their friends came with built in friends for me, and I want that for my boy. I want him to grow up feeling a part of greater community, where he is loved and accepted.
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| classic 80s shot: I'm in the pink, mortified by all the attention |
Naturally, this is going to require me to get out of my comfort zone. I'm far from outgoing, but I am creative, smart, and a good listener, and I have faith that I can do it. It may also require me to clean my house top to bottom so I can feel comfortable having friends over or hosting play dates. Not so excited about that.... but it has to be done.
There is great wisdom in the old song, Make New Friends, but Keep the Old.... you know the rest.
And besides, wine tastes better when it's shared with a good friend.
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